The stress finally beat me down…. to the point where I can’t even run today. Something has now taken over my body and I am fighting the urge to cough, using a tissue every 2 minutes and suffering through a pounding headache. It sucks.
What sucks about this sickness even more is that today I finally get to see my husband for the first time since the evacuation. It has been nearly 7 weeks since the girls and I got on that C-130 and left our home behind. We are still waiting, impatiently, in limbo. In those 7 weeks, I have mulled over every single decision I had to make from the moment I got on that plane. Most days I regret getting on that plane, but I would still be here now regardless. Every decision I have made, I made alone. I contemplate over and over about whether or not each decision was the right decision. I spend my days thinking things through over and over again. There are still more decisions that need to be made and it will be a long time before this is over. The weight of that has pushed me down today, but I won’t let it keep me down for long.
Today is the day I didn’t run. Instead, I sit here and read the news and glance through pictures of a demolished Puerto Rico. Every time I do I fight the urge to cry. I guess I am just an emotional human being or maybe just being human is what makes me like this. I’m torn between getting back to Puerto Rico immediately so I can help rebuild my home and staying here to make sure my children have what they need without worry about how we will meet those needs. The decision seems so easy for some people, but it isn’t for me. People tell me that I don’t have to make a decision right now, but living in limbo is torture for me. It is uncomfortable and messy. The same could be said for the current living situation in Puerto Rico.
I’m at a loss for words when I look at the pictures of devastation. I’ve seen this in the news before, many times in the past. But this time it is different. This time it is the place I just started to call “home.” I was uprooted (as I am every few years) and went where I was told to go without choice. It took a few months for me to warm up to the idea. Then I arrived and I fell in love. Now a hurricane has ravaged my home and it is heartbreaking. The island needs help and it will continue to need help for a long time.
You don’t expect this to happen to you. You don’t expect to be “home”less and “possession”less and lose your way of life as you knew it. As a military family, we have always taken for granted that sense of security in knowing that we will always have a home and be taken care of. For now that sense of security is lost. We are just here flapping in the wind waiting to take back our lives, as are many others.
Are you wondering what you can do to help? Right now, the lack of clean water is a big problem. There is a group working in the area where I live. They are providing residents with water filters so they can make water safe for drinking. Please donate to keep this effort ongoing: