I just received notification that my subscription to my domain “runlikemymother.com” is about to expire. I have been contemplating whether or not I should change the name of this domain.
When I started running, I began to think more about my mother. I felt like it was a way for me to connect to her. I thought about how proud she would be if she could watch me cross the finish line of my first marathon. Back when I was young, my mother tried so hard to get me to like running. I resisted and she finally gave up. As I got older and had my own children, I began to fall in love with running. I guess it is kind of similar to despising broccoli as a child when your parents are trying to force feed it to you and then later realizing that it isn’t so bad (okay, I am still not a big fan, but I am finally smart enough to eat it because I know it is good for me).
Running and my mother just seem to go hand in hand. When I am running, I think of my mother. When I think of my mother, I think about running. Honestly, running is really the only positive thing I can associate my mother to. I love her, but she made a lot of mistakes that I try to avoid dwelling on. Since she passed on, there has really been no need to hold a grudge.
Yes, I have been fretting about the genetic issues that I have possibly inherited from my mother (the anemia is a for sure, but the degenerative bone disease is still pending). I am a little annoyed that I was told I couldn’t go to flight school because of my hemoglobin levels, but I have obviously moved on and chosen a different path that still suited me fine. Of course I am now annoyed that I have been instructed not to run right now, but that too shall pass.
The other day when I was talking to my step-mother (someone who I didn’t always get along with until I realized that she is more of a mother than my own mother ever was) she reminded me that I am not my mother. I am not my mother in so many ways. Somehow I have learned from my mother’s mistakes and avoided making those same mistakes myself. I am a better mother to my own children because I know what it is like to basically grow up without a mother. The most important difference is that I am stronger than my mother ever was. She could run marathons and not only can I run marathons, but I can fight and push through all of the resistance that life brings forth. My mother could not and, in the end, it beat her.
I love my mother because she is my mother. I admire my mother as a runner. I will run like my mother. Everything else is up to me. I make my own destiny.