Seriously, it has been decades since I last posted a blog. I could use the excuse that I have been overwhelmed with family and work, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. A lack of inspiration is the main culprit of my hesitation to put words to paper. Once in a while, I post a random photo of the sunrise to facebook after one of my morning runs, but that’s about all I got over here. Yes, I am loathing in self-pity for my misfortune of being introduced to a place that doesn’t exceed my expectations for running greatness. The real problem is my recent exposure to a running and triathlon mecca that filled my heart with inspiration and my mind with thoughts of “something beyond myself.” Kind of like when you find yourself. Then your life changes and you regress back into the darkness.
Until recently, when I was humbled. And inspired. Humbled by others, and inspired by my own self. I didn’t need a place to inspire me. I found it within.
I have silently been working hard over the past few months. Okay, not as hard as I could have been working since I was lacking a bit of motivation. That may sound odd coming from me, but it’s true. I still did my thing. Got up at the crack of dawn to do what I needed to do… most days. Other days I just waited until after work so I wouldn’t have to get up early. I got out there in the cold and did my duty… most days. Other days I just settled for the treadmill and was perfectly content keeping warm inside. I pushed myself through a tough workout when I needed to… most days. Other days I just kind of accepted a mediocre pace and thought “I must just be having a bad day.” Okay, I didn’t always give my running the full attention it needed. I was being pulled in so many directions that I kind of let that line slack a little.
After my 50, I thought “that takes a lot of time and work, so maybe I should do something shorter.” It took me months to figure out what to do. In the meantime, I kind of just ran when I felt like running. I knew that I had to set a goal soon or else my running (and my weight) would suffer. Why not bring it down a notch and run a half-marathon? However, I couldn’t just run another half, I had to beat my best time. That’s all I wanted. Until a few months into training when I looked at the results from last year and realized that I might even have a chance to place in my age group. I never let that goal run past my lips though. It is a secret goal I kept to myself. Out loud I said that I wanted to break my personal record. I’m not even sure who I said it out loud to… maybe just my husband. I had stopped shouting out my plans to everyone within ear shot. Probably because I never took the initiative to join the running community here.
The night before the race I considered joining the 1:45:00 pacing group. I had never done a pacing group before. I didn’t like groups during a race. I usually just thrived on being alone. On the morning of the race, I saw the pacer with his sign and I thought “okay, I will just kind of hang back and see what happens.” By mile 3, I was chatting with the pacer and a few of the other runners in the group. By mile 5, a 63-year old running veteran introduced himself and started chatting with me. At mile 10, Jim was still with me and the pacer was about a minute behind us. At mile 12, I was silent, but Jim was still there. I wanted to slow down, but I wouldn’t. I had to stay with Jim and I had to stay in front of the pacer. For an entire mile, I quietly chanted “You are strong. You worked hard.” Even though the second part of the chant wasn’t entirely true, I never let a negative thought seep in. I maintained the same pace even though I was never able to accomplish that during a training run. I always slogged at the end. Not this time. I completely surprised myself. I beat the 1:45:00 pacer by one minute. And to think that I was only trying to beat my 1:49:00 time. Not only that, but I placed 3rd in my age group!
I won’t forget Jim for his help. He had done that half-marathon before in 1:36:00 so I know he could have finished in a faster time. All I can say is that I hope to be still moving like him when I am in my 60’s.
I have been stuck in my own little world since I arrived here, unwilling to step out of my comfort zone. I think my experience at this race has changed that. I know that all I have to do is extend a hand and someone will be there to take it. I can find what I found in Colorado. I just have to move past my inhibitions.