Attack of the Bowels

If you continue reading this blog then don’t say I didn’t warn you with the title.  If you are a runner, you know exactly what I am talking about. Sometimes we have to go at the most inopportune times and mid-run is one of these times.

Before I get to that, let me tell you that I had a difficult time dragging myself out of bed this morning.  My alarm went off at 5 am (quite annoyingly I might add) and I considered resting my head back on the pillow.  After all, we were running ONLY 6 miles today.  No big deal if I missed out.  Arg!  That is a really lame excuse, Heidi.  Obviously I managed to get out of bed and dress in my finest running clothes and think about what a spectacular day it would be.  Hey, at least the weather is FINALLY starting to cool down (thank you Florida!).  I grabbed my banana and bagel and headed out the door feeling pretty good by the time I turned up the music and hit the gas pedal.

So, I show up early and I am ready to go!  I find one of my running buddies and head off down the street… in the dark of course.  It is so dark on the sidewalk (we fear running in the street and getting plowed by a car) that I nearly trip several times since the sidewalk has seen better days.  We are also being whacked in the head by bushes that are protruding too far out (doesn’t anyone trim their hedges around here?).  Fun.  Okay, it wasn’t so bad because I was feeling pretty good and actually running pretty fast to keep up with my buddy (she is a good motivator… she teaches fitness classes).  Without losing any breath, my buddy told me about how she has to go to work after the run to dress up as Superwoman and teach one of her fitness classes.  Then, tomorrow she will be running the 10-mile pumpkin run.  Yet, this Superwoman says that she does not want to run the full marathon because 13.1 miles is enough for her!  Whatever…

As I said, I was feeling pretty good… until… yep, you have it right:  attack of the bowels!  It just suddenly hit me and hit me hard!  Right at mile 5.7 no less.  I stopped short because I couldn’t run.  I was afraid to run because I was thinking about what would happen if I did.  I couldn’t bare to have my finest running clothes ruined!  Needless to say, I told my buddy to continue on by herself.  Oh man, I really need to get to a freakin’ bathroom!  Now!  I walked as fast as I could manage without upsetting my bowels further.  With each step I feared that I would not make it.  Like a light at the end of the tunnel, there itwas… Starbucks!  I am usually  happy whenever I see a Starbucks because it means coffee, but this time my focus was on the bathroom. I will spare you the details of what happened next.

Once relief set in, I ordered my bagel and coffee and happily chatted with my teammates.  My running buddy told me all about her “attack of the bowels” episode that she experienced last week.  Ah, it is nice to know that I am not the only one…


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